Time

Tomorrow will be 9 months since we lost our baby and birth mom.  It has been said many times that “time heals all wounds.” I do not agree with this statement. Time is just time. It is what you do during the time that will help heal wounds.

It would have been very easy to do nothing these past 9 months. It would have been easy to allow myself to cry every time I saw a pregnant woman or a baby. To be honest, the first few months I did not do anything to begin the healing process. I shut down emotionally. I built up a wall around me and did not let anyone in. I cried alone and pretended that everything was ok.

God finally got my attention and together we began the healing process. He reminded me of the promises He has made to me; He has not let me down yet. God used my friends, my church, my family, and my students to break down the walls that I have built up. I finally began to grieve the loss of a son that I had been praying and hoping for.

Today in my quiet time it was talking about that God never makes mistakes. It is in the moments when our whole world is falling apart that He is there to comfort and wipe away the tears. God never promised for a walk without issues or heartache. Sometimes some things need to be pruned for something beautiful to grow.

I still make mistakes in my walk and not consistent with my quiet time. Sometimes I wonder if God has given up on me when I don’t talk to Him as I should. I have learned a lot about grace lately and I am thankful for it. I am thankful for this time that God has given me. I am praying that in this waiting and healing time that I grow closer to God and strengthen my walk. I am learning how to me a better mom and wife. My devotional ended with this verse so I thought I would share:

2 Corinthians 12:9- Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Our Dream

Last week, Justin and I moved out of our home and into a new one. Today, our tenants moved in to our old home. It is a bittersweet moment.

 

Justin and I bought our house 8 years ago. If you were to ask Justin, he would say that this is one of the biggest financial mistakes we have made. We bought at the peak at the market and did lots of upgrades. As I look back at our last 8 years, I know we made the right decision in purchasing our home. Our neighbor encouraged me to apply for a teaching job in Azle. I never would have thought to apply. After being hired, I met an amazing woman that invited us to church. We fell in love with the church and have met so many amazing friends. We would not have had all that we have today without this move to our house. In my mind over the last few weeks, I have been replaying all that we have gone through in our house. I wrote a few of them down!

 

In this house....

 

In this house, I received the phone call that led to my infertility journey.

In this house, I got ready for my college graduation.

In this house, I asked Justin for a divorce.

In this house, we fought for our marriage.

In the house, we began our adoption journey.

In this house, I dealt with rejection from birth moms.

In this house, we received the phone call that Hannah’s birth mom wanted us. J

In this house, we brought Hannah home.

In this house, Hannah said her first word, took her first step, and celebrated her first birthday.

In this house, I learned how to be a mom.

In this house, I received the phone call that our baby and birth mom passed away.

In this house, God reminded me of how blessed I am and that He is still in control.

 

We have been through a lot in this house. I am a different person than I was when we moved in 8 years ago. I would not change our journey for anything. I am who I am today because of it all. 

 

Justin and I have been wanting to move and have some land. We are living our dream. We now have a 4 bedroom home and have plenty of room for baby #2.  I cannot wait to see what happens in this house.