His Timing

My whole world turned upside down 2 weeks ago. We were told of a possibility to adopt a baby. We briefly met the birth mom and I contacted the attorneys office that day. We did not have a current home study and the birth mom was due in a week. After finding out that we would have enough time to get everything done, I met with the birth mom. Everything felt right and we did not feel God was telling us no!

This past Wednesday my whole world came crashing down around me. I received a message from our birth mom. The birth dad was in the picture and was wanting the baby. My heart sank and I couldn't breathe. I sent a message to the attorneys office and quickly received a phone call back. They proceeded to tell me that the birth dad was wanting custody. For the past week and a half I was waiting for the phone call telling me that the birth mom was in labor. Now, I have to figure out how to pick up the pieces.

I am broken. I desperately wanted to add to our family. I wanted to see Hannah as a big sister and to complete our family. However, God reminded me that it is all in His timing. Constantly I'm having to remind myself that I need to praise Him in the storm. Part of me wants to throw the towel in and say we're done. I don't want to go through this pain again. I'm tired of walking this road and having it end in a broken heart. However, I know my God is bigger than this. I know that God has a plan for our family and has a plan for this journey. Hannah might be our only child and we are okay with that but we cannot allow our pain to scare us away from what God has planned for us. For now, we began to heal. We will lean on each other, our family, our friends, and more importantly on God! 

Friends, please know that God does have a plan for you. His timing is perfect. Yes, this hurts and I don't understand why we have to go through this again. However, I also know that God is carrying us through this time. I'm not giving up hope and my prayer today is that you don't either. Whatever you're waiting on, just know that God will come through in the perfect time.

Thankful for God saying "No"

I have been planning on updating for awhile and have not made the time. This post is very different from what I was originally was going to post. Quick update: we are updating our home study since we have moved. We are having to fill out all of the paper work again and get lots of information for our coordinater. Hopefully we will be ready to go soon!

Yesterday, I received a phone call that I never expected to get. On the other end of the line was the adoption agency we have been working with. She told me that a birth mom was on her way to the hospital and was giving birth. We were given an hour to make the decision and had very little information. I called Justin & we both decided to take the hour to pray! We each had someone that we were able to talk to and were praying with us. Near the end of the hour, Justin called me and asked how I felt. I honestly had no idea. Part of me wanted to say yes and part of me wanted to say no. Justin told me he had no peace about saying yes. We made our decision and I called our agency back. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that I would say no to a baby. After ending our conversation I knew without hesitation that we made the right decision. 

This morning, I woke up and reached for my phone. My normal routine is to turn off my alarm and then to get in the shower. However, this morning something in me said to check my email. I received an email late last night from the agency. In the email, she told me that we made the right decision and that she is glad we listened to our "gut". Last night, that sweet baby went to be with Jesus. I am so thankful that God told us "no" and that we listened. Today I am praising God for sparing me the hurt and pain that this loss could have brought. I am praising Him for His grace and peace that only He can give. My heart breaks for that birth mom and I am asking for you all to pray for comfort that only Christ can give her.  

Through every experience, I have learned lessons. I have learned very difficult lessons and experienced great joy through our journey. Today, God reminded me how much He loves me and that He is still in control!! 

We are still praying and believing that baby number 2 is on their way! We are praying for not just a baby but the RIGHT baby!