A Devastating Heartbreak- Part 1

After going through an emotional journey to get Hannah, I felt complete with her. I did not want to go through another adoption. However, Justin wanted another baby but emotionally; I did not think I could handle it.

        One Sunday morning during praise & worship at church, I felt God saying He wasn’t done with our family. I stood there with tears coming down my face realizing that God had bigger plans for our family.

        I remember telling God later that day what I wanted in our next adoption journey. I wanted to just go through our attorney, I wanted a boy, and I wanted a birth mom close to home. I told God that I would not go looking so He would have to bring the birth mom to us.

        A few months later, a sweet friend called and our journey to baby number two began. Her friend was pregnant and wanted to place the baby up for adoption. We met and had an instant connection. Shortly after meeting the birth mom, we started the paperwork and got the process started. By August, we were completely ready and awaiting the arrival of the baby. Our birth mom was due in October and seemed to be on track.

I received a phone call early one morning expecting to hear that the birth mom was in labor. In a matter of moments, my whole world came crashing down. Our birth mom and baby passed away. I sat crying on our floor in our bedroom longing for someone to hold me. I pulled it together and got ready for work. (I know… I have no idea what I was thinking!) I got to work and completely fell apart. I was able to get sub plans together and I headed for home. My mom came over and spent the day with me. I have never felt so empty. We knew that the birth mom could change her mind but we never expected to lose them.

The next few weeks, I was in survival mode. For my family, I had to keep it together. I returned an outfit that I had bought and started to pack away some things I had set aside. This pain is the reason I did not want to go through another adoption. However, I am stronger than I thought I was. With God, I can get through anything.