I have spent many hours reflecting our tragic loss and dealing with the aftermath. Several months before, I began taking sermon notes. I am so thankful I started when I did. I have re-read my notes numerous times from the sermon that was preached the Sunday before they died. Our Pastor preached out of the book of Jonah. One of the points I wrote down said, "God may send a storm in your life to grab your attention." When I wrote those words, I had no idea the storm that was coming my way.
I do not believe that God brought me to this birth mom and baby just to take him away from me at the end. However, I do believe God allowed the pain and heartache because a change was needed in me. Like Jonah, I was running. I was running from what God had planned. This blog was one of the things I was running from. I have learned and changed so much over this past year. I have learned that I am worthy and that I am free. I have realized I have been "chained" to different fears and worries for many years. I believe that a lot of people are "chained" to different things in their life. Many do not realize that almost 2000 years ago God sent the key.
As I was flipping through my notes, I found from another sermom where I wrote "Don't just share your message! Share your life!" Until God calls me home, I will continue to share my life and share our story. God has done some amazing things over the past 6 years through this adoption journey. I am thankful for the heartache and thankful for all of the good times. I am a different person today than I was a year ago. Even when your whole world falls apart, God can put it back together better than it was before!
We are patiently waiting for baby number 2 (Of if Hannah has her way... Number 2 and 3).
These are from my spiral (all of these are different days)
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